Sponsor |  Entranced | Jan 19, 2007 8:52pm | Revenge is sweet, but letting go of anger at those who wronged you is a smart route to good health:
Of all the extraordinary events in the life of John Paul II, few can compare with the 21 minutes he spent in a white-walled cell in Rome's Rebibia prison. Just after Christmas, 1983, the pope visited Mehmet Ali Agca, the man who 30 months earlier had shot him in St. Peter's Square. He presented Agca with a silver rosary, and something else as well: his forgiveness.
It requires a Christ-like forbearance to pardon a would-be assassin, of course. But how many of us are ready to forgive an unfaithful lover, a scheming colleague or even the jerk who cut into the line at Krispy Kreme? Persistent unforgiveness is part of human nature, but it appears to work to the detriment not just of our spiritual well-being but our physical health as well. The subject is one of the hottest fields of research in clinical psychology today, with more than 1,200 published studies, up from just 58 as recently as 1997. It even has its own foundation--A Campaign for Forgiveness Research--which sponsored a conference last year with papers on topics like "Exploring Gender Differences in Forgiveness." (The largest number of papers dealt with forgiveness in marital and romantic relationships, which seem to generate an inordinate amount of interpersonal resentment.) Dr. Dean Ornish, America's all-purpose lifestyle guru, regards forgiveness as the tofu of the soul, a healthful alternative to the red meat of anger and vengeance. "In a way," Ornish says, "the most selfish thing you can do for yourself is to forgive other people."
Research suggests that forgiveness works in at least two ways. One is by reducing the stress of the state of unforgiveness, a potent mixture of bitterness, anger, hostility, hatred, resentment and fear (of being hurt or humiliated again). These have specific physiologic consequences--such as increased blood pressure and hormonal changes--linked to cardiovascular disease, immune suppression and, possibly, impaired neurological function and memory. One study examined 20 individuals in happy relationships, matched with 20 in troubled relationships. The latter had higher baseline levels of cortisol, a hormone associated with impaired immune function--which shot up even further when they were asked to think about their relationships. "It happens down the line, but every time you feel unforgiveness, you are more likely to develop a health problem," says Everett Worthington, executive director of A Campaign for Forgiveness Research.
The other benefit of forgiveness is more subtle; it relates to research showing that people with strong social networks--of friends, neighbors and family--tend to be healthier than loners. Someone who nurses grudges and keeps track of every slight is obviously going to shed some relationships over the course of a lifetime. Forgiveness, says Charlotte vanOyen Witvliet, a researcher at Hope College in Holland, Mich., should be incorporated into one's personality, a way of life, not merely a response to specific insults.More here |
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|  |  426319 | Feb 14, 2007 11:06am | | nice post: thanks entranced:) |
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Sponsor | | Migrant-Picker | Feb 14, 2007 11:31am | | yes.. very interesting, thanks... letting go has a measurable positive effect on our visceral functions! |
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Sponsor | | Entranced | Feb 16, 2007 9:02pm | | It certainly does. Forgiving is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. Not to mention forgiving ourselves. |
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Sponsor | | Migrant-Picker | Feb 16, 2007 9:13pm | | I am always really hard on myself when I mess up :( |
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Sponsor | | Entranced | Feb 17, 2007 5:21pm | "Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation."
Roberto Assagioli |
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| | | 426319 | Mar 12, 2007 2:31pm | | i'm trying |
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Sponsor | | Entranced | Mar 12, 2007 9:03pm | You can be (;
But I forgive you... :D |
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| | | 426319 | Mar 25, 2007 12:15pm | just driving by to say(trying again) sorry to someone i hurt and lashed out towards repeatedly just to be mean, truthfully because their heart was already taken, and the rejection was so hard i transfered my pain onto them
dont know if they're still a member here, in the hopes they get the message
i'm sayin
luxPropane: i'm sorry and iloveyou
rock on |
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Sponsor | | Bohemian-Spirit | Jul 13, 2007 8:04pm | We are in the midst of this very topic on another forum at the moment. The sentiment is the same. It is important to forgive those who have wronged you whether you actually tell them or not; whether they ask for it or not. Forgiveness is not for them, it is for you.
Forgiveness is really the only way you can go about healing whatever hurt you've received big or small. My house was recently broken into, and although I had to experience the emotions and the pain that go along with that type of violation, I had to forgive the perpetrators so that I can go about healing from the feelings of loss.
Not only did I lose possessions, but I lost my sense of security and well being. Because I was able to forgive, I am able to now choose to feel safe again.
What they did was terrible, but it's on them now. |
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